The Expectation of Service

There are many things that I don't remember about my wedding day. It was so full of activities, special people, and the pressure of the big day! But one thing that I do remember in our meditation by Todd Martin, was the challenge to "out serve each other". Don't let the other person get away with doing more acts of service for you. Our first year of marriage was a piece of cake, what wouldn't I do for my honey? The second year was still sweet, but a little bit more down to earth. Now, our third year we're having to be much more creative.


Ever since a little girl, I've had this notion that just because I'm female doesn't mean I am placed on earth to serve men and have babies. If there is one thing that can get me going quicker than a... (insert analogy) it's for someone to tell me, "Because you're a female, you should do this." I knew that before coming to Paraguay I would face some of this mind set, but honestly, how do you prepare for it? And yet after nearly six months I still cringe everyday when I hear Berta telling me, "Krista, serve your husband", "Krista, wash the dishes for your husband".

I want to be the first person to say, I have no problems scooping up food for Craig, or even washing his dishes. It is special to serve a person out of choice and love. It's just when people tell me to do it, I want to run away and scream! It turns me bitter to any and all forms of service to my husband. Normally, an act of service like washing his plate, or serving soup for him would be just that, an act of service. But when it's an expectation to do so, is it still service?
So this is what we have. I have the expectation that I am to serve my husband, while he is told to sit at the table and wait for the food. If Craig in turn tries to serve me, or wash the dishes, he is corrected, and he's even experienced the slap of the hand for such an outragous venture. So the ever so simple terms of service that we practiced before are now stripped away, leaving us with only a challege of what to do next. Without denied access to the kitchen, zero budget, and the cultural expectations...what do we do now Todd? How do you out serve your spouse under these terms? It really has been something that we've both been struggling with.

Slowly but surely we're both getting past these cultural terms. After much encouragment from Craig, I've pushed it aside as much as I can. I'm trying to change my attitude with the whole situation. We're starting new service adventures like, walking with each other to the bus stop, attending each other's classes, carrying the heavier bookbag, making the bed, or helping with laundry --wringing out pants by hand is a bugger!

Everything in life is there to build your charater, right Dad? And I bet God is having a good laugh watching me squirm under those words, "Craig sit down. Krista, serve your husband".

Everything in life we can learn from, but honestly, does it have to be this? I will admit that it will be interesting to see how this experience of "forced service" will influence our marriage, and culture of service.

I'd love to hear some feedback on this one. krista.craig@gmail.com